Adoption & The Benefits of It

  18 years ago today, I gave birth to my son, who I gave up for adoption.

 Let me start from the beginning. I was 23 years old when I found out that I was pregnant. I was almost 4 months in before I actually knew that I was pregnant. I was a gymnast for over 20 years of my life, so being underweight and having irregular periods was normal for me. So I never thought nothing of it. Until one morning when I woke and I couldn't stand the smell of any food nor eat. I took a pregnancy test and balled my eyes out. I was scared. Scared of what was to come, what should I do. How was I going to tell anyone. I think that was the hardest part of it all, was having to tell my boyfriend and my mom. I refused to tell my dad and I was able to hide it from him the entire time. Till this day, he still has no clue. Thank God for being so little!
     Once I got the nerve up and was able to tell my boyfriend, (now ex-husband) that I was pregnant, I was scared of what was going to happen. Both knowing that neither one of us wanted children. I thought about an abortion, but it was too late in the pregnancy for that option. I already had made up my mind and said that I was going to give it up for adoption. My ex agreed that was the right thing to do. While others were shocked at our decision. But it was our decision and not theirs. I took a lot of slack for my decision, however, I did not care and spoke my mind. I told them if they didn't like it or disagreed with my choice, they need not to be a part of my life. At least with an abortion you can hide that. Sounds morally wrong to say that, but it is the truth.
     I just didn't know where to turn or even start to look for an adoption agency. So when I went to my Dr.'s appointment, I told the Doctor that I was giving the child up for adoption. Well he right away referred me to his friend that was an adoption lawyer in the same building and recommended that I go see her right away. As it is a big process. So, after my appointment I waddle my way down there to speak with her and see what I needed to do. And how this would all work out. I will never forget the day that I walked in there. She welcomed me with open arms and sat me down and told me what I could expect and how it would all work. One of her questions was if I wanted to do an open adoption, so I could keep in contact with the adoptive family, or if I wanted a closed adoption. I choose the open. As scared as I, I did it because I wanted my child to know that I cared enough about them to make sure that they had the life that I knew that I couldn't provide to them.
    Within the following days, I received a call from Flory, (my adoption lawyer) stating that she had a family lined up & interested in adopting my baby. She told me that they would be calling. Because of my work schedule, and long shifts however it was hard sometimes to be in contact all the time. However, when I was able to call them a few times we spoke and so forth. But, I still wasn't convinced that they really wanted my child. I advised them of my crazy work schedule. When you are a hairdresser, you never have a set schedule sometimes. It can be crazy and I was always on the go. So a couple of weeks had went by and I hadn't heard anything from them. So I reached out to Flory and had asked her what was going on. She advised me that another baby had come a lot sooner, and they didn't want to wait any longer so they adopted the baby. Which meant I had to start the process all over again, which literally scared the shit out of me. I was do to go to the Dr. again within the next couple of days, so I asked her if I could come in and speak with her.
   So that day that I went to the Dr. I was getting close to being due, I was 8 months (you would have never known to look at me), got my clean bill of health, but was unable to tell the sex of the baby. But I already knew that it was a boy. I just knew it, I didn't need an expensive machine to tell me that! So I headed back down to Flory's office and met up with her. We sat down and started talking and she asked me if she could show me some of adoption videos. I said absolutely! I told her how scared I was not knowing what was going to happen to him. So we started talking and she told me how her and husband where unable to have children and how they adopted their little girl. As we sat there and talked, she said that they were looking to adopt another baby as well. But they were really looking to adopt a boy. I told her that they were unable to tell the sex of the baby, but way down deep in my heart I knew that it was a boy. I told her if she wanted to adopt him, that I was more then fine with that. She called her husband immediately, and asked him what he thought about the idea. All while I sat there in the office. She came out with tears in her eyes, I was like oh great here we go again, and she was like he said yes!!!! I was like he agreed are you sure. She grabbed me and hugged me for what seem to be forever! It was a one of those hugs where you just don't want to let go, knowing that you are completing someone else's family for them. Giving them the dream of having the family they have always wanted but couldn't do on their own, what an amazing feeling that it was. I still look back at that day and tear up and smile.
   So we began all the paper work and started making all the arrangements!! Every time from that day forward that I went to the Dr. I went and visited with her and gave her all the updates as what was going on.
   Well, just a few weeks later, I was at work and my boss told me that I wasn't going to survive the week! That I was going to pop soon! I told her no way, I have another week or so. Well, that Friday, I while I was working, she looked at me before she left and said you are going to have that baby, just don't do it here! I laughed at her!!! And said see you tomorrow! Later that evening after I got out of work, my ex had picked me up and we decided to go for a nice relaxing motorcycle ride and grab some dinner. I wasn't feeling very hungry, but I ate a little. I was starting to get a little uncomfortable on the ride home, my lower back was starting to ache. I thought nothing of it, because it had done that in the past.
    That night, I fell asleep, but remember waking up with a sharp shooting pain in my lower back, so I went and sat in the recliner and passed back out. About 3 hours later, it had happened again. It was 7am, I went to the bathroom and noticed that there was a little blood spot when I went to the bathroom. So I called the Dr. and he's like get to the hospital now. You are going into labor. I laughed and said ok. Well we hurried up grabbed some stuff and off to the hospital we went. I called my boss and as soon as she heard my voice she was like your having that baby I told you so! I called Flory and Stephen and left them a message letting them know that I was in the hospital about to have the baby.
   I will never forget walking into the labor & delivery department and they were going to hook me up to check & monitor the labor pains before they put me in a room. Until I almost fell to my knees and could barley breath and wanted to scream. The nurse grabbed the closest wheelchair and said yep you are in labor, lets go. Within minutes I was hooked up to IV's and getting pain meds. Which I called happy drugs. At first I didn't want the epidural, I knew of the damage that it could do to my back. I still wish that I would have never agreed to it.
   Well after a few hours of labor, I was seriously only in labor for like a total of 7 hours, I had Adam.

    I will never forget the look on Flory and Stephen's faces when I handed them their baby boy! It was such joy! I will never forget that day, the smiles on their faces the first time they held their baby boy!!! What a joyous moment! They made sure to get pictures of me with him for both of us!
   From that day forward I have been a part of his life. Shortly after I was released to drive, Flory invited me over for lunch and spend time with her and Adam & their daughter. I wrote Adam a letter explain to him why I choose to give him up for adoption. And I hope that he would not hold it against me. I asked Flory to give it to him when he was ready to know. We have kept in contact from day 1 and still remain in contact. I have pictures of him throughout his childhood. A childhood & a life that I knew that I could not give to him.
    Last summer when I went back to NY to visit, we had set a side a day for us to go to our local amusement park and have a blast! Not only was it so much fun to hang out with my son, but also to be able to get to sit and talk to him and answer any questions he had. But the best part of the day was when he told me that he was going to tell all his friends what a bitchin' birth mom he has! He thanked me for giving him the life he so deserved. And let me tell you that was all worth it. I was always so scared that he would hold it against me. Thinking that I didn't want him. But when I explained it all to him, he totally understood. (He's just like me!!!) We had such a wonderful time that day, I will cherish it forever.
    This year he is graduating, actually in a couple of weeks he is graduating High School and then will be heading off to Florida to start college, and major in Pre-Med. I am so proud of him! So proud of the young man that he has turned into. But I know he had a wonderful family to provide and support him and push him to get there. I got to be a part of it all as well (in the background of course). I just wish that I could make it to his graduation to watch him walk down the isle and get his diploma. It sucks that I won't be there for that. But, I will be able to talk to him the day of and tell him how proud I am of him.

   I love sharing my story. People think adoption is such a bad thing sometimes. Well in my case it wasn't. It was the BEST CHOICE I COULD HAVE EVER MADE. I am Proud of my decision. There are never no regrets and never will be. If you are pregnant and are not sure about what you want to do, just weigh out what is going to be not only the best choice for you, but also for the child you are carrying inside you. I know it's not the easiest decision in the world to make, however, still none the less it is your decision. You have to live with it and no one else should help you make your decision. It needs to be you, and you alone. But don't ever regret your decision either.
Anyone who is unsure of their decision and needs to talk or would like more information, please feel free to message me on here. I would be more then happy to provide you with more information and more of my story!